Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
