Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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