absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
