Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
