god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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