its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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