You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So I just went to clothing optional bar
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
