she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
