Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize