My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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