I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
