..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
