I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
honey bunches of taint.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
