brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
