hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
