my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My apartment stinks of burning failure
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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