I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
