It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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