Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
