Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
