She is in my trunk
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
