My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
