Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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