Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
what day is it and did you see me today?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
