Banned from zoo.
Again?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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