hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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