I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
