Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
