he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
