3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Randomize
