Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
