how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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