your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
