I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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