At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I am puke
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
