Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
it glows. i had to have it.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
