Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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