i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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