Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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