I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
