you guys were way drunker than both of me
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
