you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize