Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
