yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
