It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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