I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
