She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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