you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
