she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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