he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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