I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
