the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
