I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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