Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You're like the curious george of whores
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
