all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
