took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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