Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
