I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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