Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
