He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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