i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
