I wish I only lived at night.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I could fuck to npr.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
